Top 5 reasons I'm Glad The World Cup Is Over

Is anyone else happy that the world cup is finally over?

Yeah, yeah, the lone Germany goal in overtime was bad ass, but I'm so sick of hearing about "futbol" that I can puke.

Here are my top 5 reasons I'm glad the world cup is over, and why soccer sucks balls in general.


5. Too damn long
The final tournament is a solid month long, even longer than the Olympics, which at least has different events.  Before that, qualifying takes place over three years! Who in the hell has the attention span for that?

4. Obnoxious fans
Mostly loud, drunken foreigners.

3. When does the game end?
Can anyone explain to me what the fuck "penalty time" is and how it's calculated?  Somehow, it's tacked on to the end of regulation time with the game ending at some arbitrary point determined by the referee.  I can't think of another organized sport that doesn't have a definitive end time.

2. Booooring
Watching 45 douchebags with weird hairstyles run around on a giant field for two hours, with no goals scored? Riveting.

1. Wuss players
As a hockey fan, I'm used to seeing a player have half of his face ripped off, go to the locker room, get stitched up and head back out onto the ice.  In soccer, when a player is breathed on too hard by his opponent, he drops to the ground in agony as if he's been shot in the back. Weak.

I always feel like, somebody's watchin meeee….

So I'm on my phone the other day, just killing time surfing the internet, checking the same five websites for the 20th time that day. "Maybe I should see if there's a cool game to download," I says to myself. So I go to the android play store, find a (free) game to download and hit install.

 As you all know, the app asks for certain permissions before it will allow you to install it. Being the paranoid conspiracy theorist that I am, I always check out the list of permissions that I'm allowing the app access to. The usual things are there-access to the internet, contacts and certain settings-but what stood out was a permission granting access to photos, video and media files on my device.

 The fuck?

 I can't figure out for the life of me why Candy Crack Saga, Angry Birds or any game needs access to my selfies and cat pictures. Intrigued, I look up other apps-games, karaoke and even notepad apps that don't have a fucking thing to do with photos or videos-they all want permission to use/view my media files in order to play their shit game or use their program! Fuck that!

It's bad enough that creepy ass Facebook/big brother gov't is monitoring our every conversation/transaction without me willingly allowing my pictures to be accessed by some douchebag programmer/hacker/comic-con attendee out in cyberspace.