Mind Control?

Don't look at him too long...

I try to not pay much attention to kid (especially disney) movies, but I can't seem to avoid hearing about Disney's latest mega-hit movie Frozen.  The worst part of it is hearing the title song, Let It go, everywhere I effing go. Apparently, the song has become such a huge hit that it's damn near ubiquitous.

It isn't bad enough that I have to listen to my toddler-age niece sing the song ad nauseam.
The other day, I stopped in a business and what's blaring on the loudspeaker? Let it go.
Turn the radio on in the car, the deejay is talking about Let it go.
Check out youtube, Let it go tribute/parody videos on the home screen.
Watched America's got talent the other day, there is a choir of kids singing Let it fucking go.

I'm convinced that there is some sort of mind control programming at work here.  Why such a brash accusation, you might ask?  Although I've never liked the song or heard it in its entirety, the shit still gets stuck in my head-for like a day.

I guess creepy-ass Disney figured they wouldn't make a huge enough profit without hypnotizing the masses (and their offspring) into seeing the movie 35 times and having to buy every Frozen branded product known to man.

Strongly agree or Strongly disagree?

Recently, someone I know has been job hunting. Most of the jobs are peon retail positions, at places like Petco, Hot topic or the generic shoe/clothing store-for close to minimum wage.  I'll admit, I haven't had the (dis)pleasure of job hunting for a while, but I can't fucking believe the hoops people have to jump through nowadays to try to land a job! In addition to the usual crap, like work history, education and references, applicants are now required to consent to background checks, credit checks and 200 question personality evaluations!

After watching my job-hunting friend spend a solid two hours on one of these crap-lications (sorry), I asked her, "are you applying to a pet store, or the CIA?"

Finally, after all of this rigmarole, the potential employer may or may not honor the applicant with a generic email stating: "if you meet our qualifications, we'll contact you for an interview. "

For me, the kicker is going to said workplaces and seeing the semi-functional, drooling simpletons that are already working for these companies. I always wonder to myself: "wait, this is the kind of shining superstar of an employee that makes it through the application equivalent of a Tough Mudder and actually gets the job?"

Maybe I've got it all wrong, and the real purpose of the personality questionnaire is to find the densest, least independent-thinking applicants who'll make the best corporate worker drones.

Top 5 reasons I'm Glad The World Cup Is Over

Is anyone else happy that the world cup is finally over?

Yeah, yeah, the lone Germany goal in overtime was bad ass, but I'm so sick of hearing about "futbol" that I can puke.

Here are my top 5 reasons I'm glad the world cup is over, and why soccer sucks balls in general.


5. Too damn long
The final tournament is a solid month long, even longer than the Olympics, which at least has different events.  Before that, qualifying takes place over three years! Who in the hell has the attention span for that?

4. Obnoxious fans
Mostly loud, drunken foreigners.

3. When does the game end?
Can anyone explain to me what the fuck "penalty time" is and how it's calculated?  Somehow, it's tacked on to the end of regulation time with the game ending at some arbitrary point determined by the referee.  I can't think of another organized sport that doesn't have a definitive end time.

2. Booooring
Watching 45 douchebags with weird hairstyles run around on a giant field for two hours, with no goals scored? Riveting.

1. Wuss players
As a hockey fan, I'm used to seeing a player have half of his face ripped off, go to the locker room, get stitched up and head back out onto the ice.  In soccer, when a player is breathed on too hard by his opponent, he drops to the ground in agony as if he's been shot in the back. Weak.

I always feel like, somebody's watchin meeee….

So I'm on my phone the other day, just killing time surfing the internet, checking the same five websites for the 20th time that day. "Maybe I should see if there's a cool game to download," I says to myself. So I go to the android play store, find a (free) game to download and hit install.

 As you all know, the app asks for certain permissions before it will allow you to install it. Being the paranoid conspiracy theorist that I am, I always check out the list of permissions that I'm allowing the app access to. The usual things are there-access to the internet, contacts and certain settings-but what stood out was a permission granting access to photos, video and media files on my device.

 The fuck?

 I can't figure out for the life of me why Candy Crack Saga, Angry Birds or any game needs access to my selfies and cat pictures. Intrigued, I look up other apps-games, karaoke and even notepad apps that don't have a fucking thing to do with photos or videos-they all want permission to use/view my media files in order to play their shit game or use their program! Fuck that!

It's bad enough that creepy ass Facebook/big brother gov't is monitoring our every conversation/transaction without me willingly allowing my pictures to be accessed by some douchebag programmer/hacker/comic-con attendee out in cyberspace.

At least they had work ethic...

So, you and your buddies decide to hold up a gas station. You don't end up getting the amount of money you expected. What would be your next move? Get the hell out of there, glad you didn't get caught or shot? Jump back in the getaway car and go hit another station? Or shoot the clerk, lock him in the bathroom and run the gas station for a few hours? These 3 retards are either the stupidest or ballsiest criminals in history, as they stuck around the station they just robbed, and apparently sold gas and packs of gum at heavily discounted prices, pocketing the profits. Those gas station registers must not be that hard to operate.

Monumental Fail: Imminent

Sorry about the hiatus... So I just had the misfortune of watching David Letterman interview his heir apparent, Stephen Colbert. I understand that Dave wants to retire and actually spend time with his family before he kicks the bucket, and I'm sure Colbert is a great guy and all, but holy shit! I want to like the dude, but he just seems like a lame, boring dweeb. He appears confident enough, but doesn't seem to have the "it factor" possessed by Dave, Leno, and even the host of the Late Late Show, Craig Ferguson. I tried to have an open mind when he did his Top Ten List, but it sounded like the laugh track was cranked to eleven as he read his way through it-there is no way possible the audience was laughing that hard at unfunny Santa drinking jokes. As I watched the interview, I couldn't help but think his shows will be a snooze-fest, with him trying really hard to be edgy. I'm gonna go out on a limb here and predict the new show will be a catastrophic failure of Chevy Chase Show proportions. In fact, I wouldn't be shocked if Colbert's show made Jimmy Fallon seem like a viable late night option. At least there's still Craig Ferguson, with his lipstick-wearing horse and gay robot skeleton. Best of luck, Mr. Colbert.

Time to give up the keys?

Here we go again...Yet another ancient douchebag driver who can't tell the difference between the gas and brake pedal turns a grocery store into the set of a Terminator movie. I can't tell you how sick I am of hearing about some eighty-plus year old codger plowing through a crowd of innocent people because they felt like they were still capable enough to drive. Or in the case of this story, capable of driving a six thousand pound, V8 powered full size truck! I may be one to make gross generalizations, but it's pretty safe to assume that once most people turn say, seventy-five, they may not be the best equipped to pilot a multi-ton, high-speed missle. Why would I say such harsh things? Let's see-diminished judgement, sloth-like reaction times and deteriorating physical abilities such as worsening eyesight and hearing? Sounds like a great recipe for a safe driver! Since many of these geniuses don't know when to call it quits, I say the decision to pull them off the road should be made for them in the form of frequent DMV testing-fail once, and "Sorry, Morty, you're done." Why in the hell can't we have mandatory yearly testing for drivers over say 65? If such a program were in place, we'd all be a little safer. Some may argue that driving is a right, not a priviledge.(how in the fuck do you spell that word, anyway?) Not when you're a threat to society at large, asshat.

F*%k You, Corporate Retail Giants...

Don't get me wrong-the holidays have their place-Valentine's for couples, Christmas for kids, Thanksgiving for families. However, I'm completely done with the corporatization of every frikkin holiday. The second one holiday is over, big box/generic retail giant is rushing us into the next one, with their seasonal set up(gifts/cards)in place, even if the "special day" is still a couple of months away. I swear some stores' black friday sales started some time in October this past year! Also, when in the hell did every holiday become a gift-giving,card buying event? Back in the day, I remember only having to worry about cards/gifts a few times a year, now it seems like the retail chains are having an (insert holiday here) sale every got-damned month! And when did people start hanging lights for Halloween/Fourth of July and giving each other cards for shittier holidays like St. Patricks day? As long as the idiot public keeps buying into the retail holiday hype, this train will keep rolling. In addition to making their shareholders happy, these corporate chains are succeeding in making the holidays feel like just another thing to check off my to do list, where they used to feel like something special. Thanks for that, dickheads. Image thanks to: Suat Eman, Freedigitalphotos.net

grown ass man huh?

So I am a pretty big sports fan and enjoy watching most sports in my free time. In the last couple years I have noticed that some fans have decided they need to get "involved" in the action. Fans have always heckled and tried to berate the players from a far; but now they are starting to bring it a little closer. For some reason theses fans think that included in the price of their courtside seats is an immunity for their actions. Theses "grown ass men" believe they can berate and even attempt to assault these athletes with out any reprecussions. They feel that because they have spent a large amount of money on their tickets that means they can; for example throw their beer on a player or personally make verbal attacks on these players. Now if this were to happen anywhere else out side of a pro or semi-pro (college) you would get your ass beat!! But since these instances are occurring in these arenas everyone likes to attack these kids or young men for being thugs and these fans are portrayed as innocent bystanders. My take on this is that if you think you are man enough to get in these players face or throw your 25$ beverage on them then you should be prepared to receive a proper ass whooping with no assumption of protection from lawyers or ESPN A.K.A the View of sportscasting. Because when it the players take off their uniforms and the fans aren't in the seats we all are just flesh and bone. So if you think you're a grown ass man then your should be held accountable as a grown ass man. If that includes getting your ass whooped then I say "lesson learned you stupid motherfucker!!" Jinjar done....you read now!!!

A Walk In the Park...

Time for a rant! So I decide to take the dog for a walk today, to try to take advantage of another sunny, seventy-degree Las Vegas winter day (sorry, rest of the country). There's a huge park not far from me, with plenty of walking trails. The place is well landscaped, with benches, garbage cans and dog poop bag stations practically around every corner. As I start my walk, I notice some crap on the sidewalk-no big deal, maybe someone forgot to pick it up. As I keep walking, I notice dog shit practically everywhere-next to benches, off in the dirt, in the middle of the sidewalk. In no time, my nice, peaceful Sunday walk quickly deteriorated into a game of "dodge the doody". The real trip was seeing poop next to garbage cans and the BAG STATIONS themselves! My question: What the fuck is wrong with people? One (of many) thing(s) that pisses me off is a-holes who don't give a flying shit (pun intended) about anyone else. What kind of industrial-strength d-bag would let their dog shit in a public park, not pick it up, and continue about their merry way? As a dog owner, if your dumb-ass rationale is that the park's maintenance crew will pick it up, you're an inconsiderate tool. If you actually think your dog's petrified shit is going to fertilize the park's soil and contribute to the landscape, your dog may be smarter than you are. Thoughts?

More Proof that Florida is Ground Zero for the Zombie Apocalypse

What the hell is it about the entire state of Florida? Every news story that sounds too crazy to believe comes out of the Sunshine State. Is it something in the water? A giant government experiment? Whatever the case, the whole state seems to be a breeding ground for loonies. The latest!

JINJAR SMASH

If you like Justin Beiber, hair bands or skinny jeans then this is the show for you. And by for you I mean for you to cry yourself to sleep to after you enjoy a episode or two. As my more eloquent partner Rory mentioned; this show is not for people who think too much or think too much of themselves. If you are easily offended then you are exactly who we want as our dedicated listeners. Mainly because I enjoy the sound of a grown man crying just as much as the laughter of millions. I can't and won't promise that you will feel enlightened after one of our shows but I can promise that you will never laugh, cringe, hate or question humanity more than after a delightful evening with Rory and Jinjar. Jinjar done now!! You read!!

Helping to make the world a dumber place....

Hello to all of you in internet-land!
In case you can't tell by that last idiotic sentence, I'm new to this blogging thing.  Why am I here you ask?  My name is Rory, and along with my co-host, Jinjar Tungsten, we'll soon be launching a comedy podcast.  A wise man told me to start a blog before launching the show, so people would know what kind of depraved humor they can expect when they tune in.  From this blog, I'll provide show updates and other useless info.  What will the show be like?  Imagine Beavis and Butthead, Howard Stern, an overnight sports talk show and The Uncle Floyd Show (Google it) thrown into a blender, gulped down and vomited out-that about sums us up!  Jinjar and I don't agree on much, so we'll argue about music, movies and things going on in the world.  Lots of things piss us off, so expect at least some profanity-so don't listen to the show with your six-year-old, unless you're one of those honey boo-boo type of parents.  That's all I've got for now, as my brain is starting to hurt...
Rory