At least they had work ethic...

So, you and your buddies decide to hold up a gas station. You don't end up getting the amount of money you expected. What would be your next move? Get the hell out of there, glad you didn't get caught or shot? Jump back in the getaway car and go hit another station? Or shoot the clerk, lock him in the bathroom and run the gas station for a few hours? These 3 retards are either the stupidest or ballsiest criminals in history, as they stuck around the station they just robbed, and apparently sold gas and packs of gum at heavily discounted prices, pocketing the profits. Those gas station registers must not be that hard to operate.

Monumental Fail: Imminent

Sorry about the hiatus... So I just had the misfortune of watching David Letterman interview his heir apparent, Stephen Colbert. I understand that Dave wants to retire and actually spend time with his family before he kicks the bucket, and I'm sure Colbert is a great guy and all, but holy shit! I want to like the dude, but he just seems like a lame, boring dweeb. He appears confident enough, but doesn't seem to have the "it factor" possessed by Dave, Leno, and even the host of the Late Late Show, Craig Ferguson. I tried to have an open mind when he did his Top Ten List, but it sounded like the laugh track was cranked to eleven as he read his way through it-there is no way possible the audience was laughing that hard at unfunny Santa drinking jokes. As I watched the interview, I couldn't help but think his shows will be a snooze-fest, with him trying really hard to be edgy. I'm gonna go out on a limb here and predict the new show will be a catastrophic failure of Chevy Chase Show proportions. In fact, I wouldn't be shocked if Colbert's show made Jimmy Fallon seem like a viable late night option. At least there's still Craig Ferguson, with his lipstick-wearing horse and gay robot skeleton. Best of luck, Mr. Colbert.

Time to give up the keys?

Here we go again...Yet another ancient douchebag driver who can't tell the difference between the gas and brake pedal turns a grocery store into the set of a Terminator movie. I can't tell you how sick I am of hearing about some eighty-plus year old codger plowing through a crowd of innocent people because they felt like they were still capable enough to drive. Or in the case of this story, capable of driving a six thousand pound, V8 powered full size truck! I may be one to make gross generalizations, but it's pretty safe to assume that once most people turn say, seventy-five, they may not be the best equipped to pilot a multi-ton, high-speed missle. Why would I say such harsh things? Let's see-diminished judgement, sloth-like reaction times and deteriorating physical abilities such as worsening eyesight and hearing? Sounds like a great recipe for a safe driver! Since many of these geniuses don't know when to call it quits, I say the decision to pull them off the road should be made for them in the form of frequent DMV testing-fail once, and "Sorry, Morty, you're done." Why in the hell can't we have mandatory yearly testing for drivers over say 65? If such a program were in place, we'd all be a little safer. Some may argue that driving is a right, not a priviledge.(how in the fuck do you spell that word, anyway?) Not when you're a threat to society at large, asshat.

F*%k You, Corporate Retail Giants...

Don't get me wrong-the holidays have their place-Valentine's for couples, Christmas for kids, Thanksgiving for families. However, I'm completely done with the corporatization of every frikkin holiday. The second one holiday is over, big box/generic retail giant is rushing us into the next one, with their seasonal set up(gifts/cards)in place, even if the "special day" is still a couple of months away. I swear some stores' black friday sales started some time in October this past year! Also, when in the hell did every holiday become a gift-giving,card buying event? Back in the day, I remember only having to worry about cards/gifts a few times a year, now it seems like the retail chains are having an (insert holiday here) sale every got-damned month! And when did people start hanging lights for Halloween/Fourth of July and giving each other cards for shittier holidays like St. Patricks day? As long as the idiot public keeps buying into the retail holiday hype, this train will keep rolling. In addition to making their shareholders happy, these corporate chains are succeeding in making the holidays feel like just another thing to check off my to do list, where they used to feel like something special. Thanks for that, dickheads. Image thanks to: Suat Eman, Freedigitalphotos.net

grown ass man huh?

So I am a pretty big sports fan and enjoy watching most sports in my free time. In the last couple years I have noticed that some fans have decided they need to get "involved" in the action. Fans have always heckled and tried to berate the players from a far; but now they are starting to bring it a little closer. For some reason theses fans think that included in the price of their courtside seats is an immunity for their actions. Theses "grown ass men" believe they can berate and even attempt to assault these athletes with out any reprecussions. They feel that because they have spent a large amount of money on their tickets that means they can; for example throw their beer on a player or personally make verbal attacks on these players. Now if this were to happen anywhere else out side of a pro or semi-pro (college) you would get your ass beat!! But since these instances are occurring in these arenas everyone likes to attack these kids or young men for being thugs and these fans are portrayed as innocent bystanders. My take on this is that if you think you are man enough to get in these players face or throw your 25$ beverage on them then you should be prepared to receive a proper ass whooping with no assumption of protection from lawyers or ESPN A.K.A the View of sportscasting. Because when it the players take off their uniforms and the fans aren't in the seats we all are just flesh and bone. So if you think you're a grown ass man then your should be held accountable as a grown ass man. If that includes getting your ass whooped then I say "lesson learned you stupid motherfucker!!" Jinjar done....you read now!!!

A Walk In the Park...

Time for a rant! So I decide to take the dog for a walk today, to try to take advantage of another sunny, seventy-degree Las Vegas winter day (sorry, rest of the country). There's a huge park not far from me, with plenty of walking trails. The place is well landscaped, with benches, garbage cans and dog poop bag stations practically around every corner. As I start my walk, I notice some crap on the sidewalk-no big deal, maybe someone forgot to pick it up. As I keep walking, I notice dog shit practically everywhere-next to benches, off in the dirt, in the middle of the sidewalk. In no time, my nice, peaceful Sunday walk quickly deteriorated into a game of "dodge the doody". The real trip was seeing poop next to garbage cans and the BAG STATIONS themselves! My question: What the fuck is wrong with people? One (of many) thing(s) that pisses me off is a-holes who don't give a flying shit (pun intended) about anyone else. What kind of industrial-strength d-bag would let their dog shit in a public park, not pick it up, and continue about their merry way? As a dog owner, if your dumb-ass rationale is that the park's maintenance crew will pick it up, you're an inconsiderate tool. If you actually think your dog's petrified shit is going to fertilize the park's soil and contribute to the landscape, your dog may be smarter than you are. Thoughts?

More Proof that Florida is Ground Zero for the Zombie Apocalypse

What the hell is it about the entire state of Florida? Every news story that sounds too crazy to believe comes out of the Sunshine State. Is it something in the water? A giant government experiment? Whatever the case, the whole state seems to be a breeding ground for loonies. The latest!